a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
