its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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