I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
