dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize