I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
