I met the friendliest cop last night
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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