let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
