it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
