he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
