I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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