he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize