You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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