I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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