why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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