I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
