called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
