There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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