just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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