party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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