1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
me + whiskey = a bad person
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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