And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
