I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
