she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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