plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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