everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
