So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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