Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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