if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
