I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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