Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
