Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
