I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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