How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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