Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
a search helicopter?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize