we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
