Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
