do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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