So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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