the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
