I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My hand turned me down
and you said cock pushups were impossible
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
