...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we're making bets on your personal life
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
