he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize