Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he shaved USA in his pubs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
