I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
