Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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