Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize