Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
