It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
