so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
