i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
