They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
