I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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