It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize