Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
