May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
