You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
