My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
