I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
