You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
