living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize