You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
