I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
