She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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