to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
