I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
