I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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