I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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