she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
