Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
